For the last two years, I’ve met with Kevin almost every week at the gym so he could kick my ass. He was my trainer, pushing me to lift more weight than I thought my arms could support, do more repetitions of leg lifts or the dreaded split squats, and push the prowler (a heavy iron sled loaded with weights) further than my legs, back and arms knew was possible. There’s been all manner of dumbbells and rubber bands, bending and standing, pushing and pulling. Most days, I would walk in thinking, “What have I got myself into?” only to walk out telling myself, “I’m a total badass” (maybe an effect of the refreshing protein shake I was rewarded with at the end of a session).
Kevin and I have, at least on the surface, little in common. He’s an evangelical Christian, and I’m a practicing Jew. He’s less than half my age, never lived through the era of the Monkees or without computers around all the time. I lived through the 60 and 70s, danced with Sufis, chanted with Hare Krishnas, and don’t even get us started on our differences when it comes to the more polarizing social issues of the day.
Under the surface, we’ve found all manner of alignment in our concern for community, belief in a just world, urgency in acting for what we see as bringing about change, and love for being alive. During arm lifts, while he tapped the muscles in my upper back to remind me to get out of my shoulders, we discussed, debated, found and lost common ground in theological issues. In the endless 30-40 seconds I would be holding still in a plank pose, I would beg him to tell me his wedding plans to distract me from the overwhelming urge to collapse. Occasionally, I would joke with him, when he gave me something especially impossible to do, “Is this because I’m not a follower of Jesus?” We laughed almost as much as we talked. Interfaith weight-lifting, anyone?
Last week, we did our last — at least for a while — session together. The need for a new roof on our house, and my urge to explore a far less expensive group training sessions, pull me away from one-on-one training. Hugging Kevin to say goodbye, I was grateful not just for how much stronger my arms, legs, core and gluts are, but my heart too. We are meant to lift difficult issues together with grace and humor, acknowledging the hard work, talking deeply and lightly with people very different from us, and, at times (as I once told Kevin), accepting the quandary of irreconcilables.