Category Archives: Travel

How Locking Your Keys in the Car Can Land You in Oz: Everyday Magic, Day 691

downsized_0404132305c

Winnie-the-Pooh looks very concerned, and who wouldn’t with hundreds of giant Dorothys and Lions around?

Imagine being stuck somewhere along I-70 in the middle of Kansas late at night. There’s a truck stop, and it’s a good thing to put gas in the car although there’s enough to coast home on fumes. The drive – 200 miles west, and now 200 miles east with a poetry reading in between – went swimmingly well although the driver does wish she didn’t eat quite so many enchiladas in Hutchinson. While the car sucks the gas from pump, the driver thinks well of both going to the bathroom and buying more water to drink. What could possibly go wrong?downsized_0404132306a

Keys can tumble out from an unsuspecting purse, and the smug little car, neatly locked, could now hold in its lap said keys.

Thankfully, there’s AAA, a membership which I purchased this year on Kelley’s good advice. It would only take AAA about 30-40 downsized_0404132305aminutes to send help. In the meantime, I got to experience Kansas from the vantage point of gift shelves, and this is what I saw: Oz, Oz and more Oz. Big Oz. Little Oz. Witches in pink or black. Dorothy free and clear, or locked in a snow globe. Scarecrows comparing Dorothy to crazy women who screw up their lives. T-shirts from Toto about how he took all the money. Cowardly lions on shot glasses. Since Oz is kind of the opposite of Kansas, I begin to wonder why anyone in Kansas sells it at all.

downsized_0404132305b

Help! Help! Let me out!

At the same time, all this stuff is fascinating, full of bling and shine, drama and surrealistic bizzaro scenarios. The beer mugs, welcome mats, postcards, sweatshirts and statue-ettes of all sizes overwhelmed me with a place not far from here, only accessible through particularly bad weather. The more I look at it, the more I wonder if I should bring some of it home with me.

Luckily, just at the point that I was actually starting to consider buying any of this stuff, a big wrecker pulled up, and I run outside to meedownsized_0404132312t Junior, a man far older than any wizard, but equipped with many manner of long metal poles of various sizes and with variously-shaped hooked ends. It wasn’t that I had the power within me all along to go home (I didn’t even have a hanger I could use), but I did have that Triple-A card, and I could hold one pole while Junior used another to tap against my dangling keys until he hit the unlock button, and I heard that lovely beep that said, Yes, you can go home again.

Vacation Fighting, Getting Lose & Getting Found: Everyday Magic, Day 684

DSCN0978“If you get angry, you can take a moment to think about why you’re upset, and how you’re contributing to the conflict. Then you can sleep on it before talking it out,” said our very wise son Forest after we promised no one would yell today.

“That’s not the way we roll,” Ken replied, making me laugh so hard I cried as I high-fived him.

Vacation fighting, one of my least-favorite things, has been too much a probability for us over the years, mostly due to confusion over directions and/or getting completely lost, and who said they would meet who at whatever time, only to discover timely misunderstandings on all sides.

Yesterday in Great Smoky Mountain National Park we had a doozy of both varieties, first a map-reading misadventure resulting in all four of us yelling, “Just stop it already.” Worse, though, was the getting seemingly lost in time and place fight.

Our sons, my sister-in-law, some of her kids and one of their boyfriends, Ken and I went on a hike, lovely and full of that early spring green light that illuminates the mossy curves as we went up the winding trail. After the usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch at the side of a grassy field, most of us headed back to the trail hDSCN1008ead to go horseback riding at the nearby stable, leaving Ken and Daniel to do more hiking. “Turn around at 2:30 and come back to where the car is, and I’ll meet you there about 3:30,” I told Ken. Turns out he told me something vital I didn’t hear: that it might take longer. Turns out also that his and Daniel’s map was totally inaccurate when it comes to the distance involved.

On top of a slow, red-haired horse in a slow line of other horses with their riders, I experienced the kind of euphoria that would only matched by the opposite feeling in the hours to come. The light breeze refreshed me, the beautiful trees were just leafing out, the creek we crossed glistened in DSCN1004sunlight. After the ride, we took a lot of pictures of the horses, said goodbye, and I got into the rental car to move it to a shady place while I waited for Ken. He was late — it was near 4 p.m. — but I figured he and Daniel would show up soon. I also thought they might be coming out from the woods a little beyond the trail, where others exited, so I drove there, only to discover I was suddenly on a scenic 11-mile loop. A one-way loop.

No worries, I told myself, This might take 20 minutes or so, but I could circle around and meet the guys soon.

I was vastly mistaken. The cars ahead of me habitually went 5-10 mph, sometimes stopping entirely for a few minutes, making me increasingly anxious despiteDSCN1022 the scenic views of mountains, wide views leading up to mountains, or thick forest in mountains. I kept picturing Ken and Daniel sitting on the curb, wondering where I was for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and by the time I actually finished the loop, close to an hour.

Since I was to meet them either at the information booth on the road or at the picnic area nearby, I spent the next hour driving back and forth between the rendez-vous spots, trying to see where they might emerge. They didn’t. Of course, cell phones didn’t work either. Close to 6 p.m., I found a pay phone at a closed camping store. By punching in 1 for English, 3 for use of a credit card — the only kind of currency I had on me — and then a long series of numbers, I could call my sister-in-law on the premise that perhaps the guys gout out early, didn’t see us, walked to this pay phone, called her, and she picked them up. No answer. I went through the long process of calling Forest, my nieces, even Ken and Daniel. Repeatedly. No response. So I drove the long way out of the park, and by 6:30, I was within cell phone range and could reach my sister-in-law, who hadn’t heard from them.

I breathed slowly, told myself all would be well, prayed fiercely, and tried to comfort myself with the bumper sticker of a car in front of me that said “Love > Fear.”

DSCN1023I raced back into the park to look for the guys, only to see a police car quickly turn around to follow me to the picnic site. I was driving twice the 25 mph speed limit, and by the time two police cars pulled me over, I could only jump out of the rental car, peaceful breathing be damned, and cry hysterically. “My husband and son are three hours late, and I’m really worried about them,” I managed to get out. “I don’t even have a license on me!” I added, remembering I didn’t take my purse this morning.

The police were wonderful, one of them even from Kansas, and although they were planning to give me a warning, not worry about the license, and then go with me to the trail head to enact a rescue plan, all quickly resolved itself. I looked toward the picnic area, and at the first table was Ken, quietly waiting. They had just turned up after discovering what they thought was the end of the trail was only the half-way point.

Let’s just say the ride home was the opposite of sitting atop a horse in early spring sunlight. There was no laughing until I cried, but simply a lot of crying. Nothing like finding people you love after a wide span of thinking they were lost.

How do we roll? Not the most elegant, graceful or polite way when the pressure is on, but at least, we roll back together again.

A New Place, An Old City & Some Sweet Rewards in Tennessee: Everyday Magic, Day 683

This evening, we wandered downtown Knoxville, home to our son Daniel, but a brand new city to me. I was instantly enamored with the old buildings packing surprising archways and hand-carved doors, and bDSCN0945etween them, slim alleyways where coal used to be stored for warming homes long morphed into warehouses, office space and swanky loft apartments. Although I was running on the fumes of only five hours’ sleep (nothing like pre-trip excitement to catalyst insomnia) and too much coffee, the cure was within reach: each step landing in this new place, cold air on my face, the approaching corner where I would turn toward a view I’ve never seen before.

There’s a lot about Knoxville that sings out to me in the familiar tune of east coast city: the age of the buildings; the spidery ways streets are laid out, some wide boulevards and others intersecting at close quarters; the sense of time aged and changed as this city reinvented itself again and again. Living near Kansas City, which to me always signifies the beginning of the west (and

DSCN0947

Erica and me below a sign that says “Chocolate Gelato.”

western cities), and coming from a very old eastern city, I feel a kinship to places where the buildings speak the language of my origins.

The rewards were more than sweet. Besides the glimpses of this place — a tiny cabin on top of a tall building, the shadow where a torch used to hang although the carved candle still hangs -I got to see more of my son’s life, hang out with his delightful new friend, and eat outrageously good food. Fried green tomatoes? Yes, and truth to be told, a few of these delicacies of the great beyond both at lunch and dinner. Freshly-madeDSCN0939 biscuit? Oh. My. God. With homemade blueberry jam. Pickled okra. Some kind of fried, sauced, smothered and amazingly still light chicken too. Sometimes there are amazing awards for waking up too early and getting flung through space at 30,000 feet until you can land in a brand new place.

Homing In: Everyday Magic, Day 680

downsized_0224131357aHoning and homing in are easily confused, but I recently learned that knives are honed and birds home in on where they’re heading. Definitely not the sharpest knife in or out of the drawer today, I homed in on my travel becoming a farce because farces, despite and because of everything that goes wrong, end well with marriage, homecoming and great joy in the land.

The world of travel farce is narrow and treacherous. What wouldn’t shake me much in ordinary life level me here. My burrowing animal keeps ramming itself against the rock, convinced more effort will open the rabbit hole to home. Last night, a dropped call to United, after 45 minutes of waiting for a representative and another 20 of trying to sort out the tangle of getting my Delta ticket, originally a United ticket, back to United, tipped off a long crying jag (which led to me calling Ken and asking him to take off calling the airlines to arrange for my two flights, starting at 6 a.m.). Two hours later, when Ken called on one phone while talking with Delta on the other to make sure I was cool with a direct, non-stop flight at the reasonable hour of 11 a.m., I started crying so hard I could barely say, “Yes!” as in “Yes, Fredrico, a million times yes. I will marry you!”downsized_0224131444a

Back home this afternoon, I told Ken how I tried to think of the travel challenges as akin to an intensive spiritual retreat focused on letting go. “How did you do with that?” Ken asked. “Not very well,” I told him.

Yet there were moments of almost grace when I relinquished control, particularly when parked on the tarmac in Hartford, CT in a very small plane, completely full, for three and a half hours. I was on the phone for an hour with the airline, the aisles full with a snaking line of people waiting for the bathroom. People’s butts occasionally hit my head as I said to the United rep, “Could you say that again? I couldn’t hear you.” When I hung up, I surrendered to what the women around me were saying, which included repetitions and variations of:

  • There’s nothing we do, so why worry about it?
  • It is what it is.
  • It’s better to be sitting here alive than dead.
  • Yeah, this is challenging, but we’ve got it better than a lot of people in this world.
  • And you know, if I miss my connection, it’s not the end of the world.
  • I just missed my connection, but what you gonna do?

In communal travel mishaps, people tend to take turns being the cheerful one and the freaking out one. As soon as I told people my story (up until that point), the main cheerleader among us got a little depressed, and I repeated to her some of what she said to us earlier.

Soon the pilot announced that we were ready for take-off, back for a third try to land at La Guardia, but now we had to wait until someone could drain the overflowing toilet to prevent its contents from rushing down the aisles. The whole plane laughed together, and laughed some more when we needed to get de-iced again. Right before take-off for real, the pilot said, “Ladies and Gentlement, federal regulations stipulate that we inform you that if anyone wants to get off the plane at this airport, we can let you off.” The whole plane laughed harder, then we all looked around, as if to say, “No one is leaving this plane, sucker, so stay put.”

We were homing in together, and although I did start crying so hard at La Guardia at the information desk that a young Indian man came up to ask if he could help, I was grateful for help whenever I needed it.

Travel farce turns on plans dissolving, missed connections, the kindness of strangers, taking walks down streets in cities you never expected to visit, shuttle downsized_0224131446bdrivers talking about the last big snow, tiny bags of mini-pretzels that taste remarkably good when you miss a meal, and letting go of expectations right at the point of them being met (or not). When the plane I boarded today, the seventh plane I was booked on (and only the second flight I made), the pilot announced there was a small issue to resolve before take-off. I asked the flight attendant if she thought we going to actually go, and then told her my story. Although I wished I carried around some Valium, I was glad I at least had a story.

Then of course the story took off, and from the air, the world shone with snow, roads and rivers all the way to Kansas.

Turns Lemons in Bagels & Lox: Everyday Magic, Day 678

Dinner on the way

Dinner on the way

When travel plans fall apart, my tendency is to fall apart with them, but weeping at airline ticket counters tends to futile. Particularly with travel in wintry months, it’s best to throw up my hands and do my best silent imitation of Frank Sinatra singing, “That’s life.”

Today one small thing — namely one of the only flights leaving Burlington, VT to be cancelled — tumbled my dominoes. The two and half hours I spent on the phone with United Airlines agents, in line at United and Delta, talking with airline agents in person, and eventually both talking on the phone with Cathy (who I’d been on the line with for over an hour) and in person with Kelly (at the ticket counter) at once resulted in a way home…..tomorrow, over 24 hours from when I should have left, and did I mention it’s leaving from another city in another state?

downsized_0222131651

A view from my walk

This is why I’m waiting at the airport, 6.5 hours after I arrived here, for the Greyhound bus to take me and others here on a 3.5 hour ride to Manchester, NH. There, according to the latest plan, I will stay in a hotel overnight, wake up and wander a bit, and then get a shuttle to the airport to fly home via Laguardia.

What to do with myself, and especially my anxious mind and exhausted body that will do just about anything to go home right now? I’ve tried several things: the lovely and relaxing lunch I planned to have in the airport restaurant was truncated when two families bursting with toddlers and babies sat on tables around me (I really love babies and even like toddlers, but felt a bit shaken when they shook my chair and table).

So I went to Plan B, or C or D or whatever I’m at: I asked the Greyhound agent if I could leave my little suitcase and backpack behind her counter, and when she said yes, I set out for a long walk.

downsized_0222131651aNever mind that I was next to an airport and walking down a busy highway lined with the likes of the Ho-Hum Motel (across from the Ethan Allan Motel). I had air to breathe, each step reminding me that this was a small glitch in my life, and an invisible one compared to what many around the world put up with all the time. I’m privileged to have ways to keep transporting myself, and a bed to sleep in between bus and plane, not to mention good food to eat.

Which led to my ultimate destination: a Price-Chopper about 1.5 miles from the airport, where I bought all I needed for a lovely meal on the bus. The bus that should be here already. The bus that might be late because word is that it had some delays when it stopped at the border north of here. The bus driven by someone who, according to the Greyhound agent here, never calls to say if the delay is a few minutes or hours.

I wish I could say, “No matter” to that reality, but I can’t. But I can make myself a bagel with lox and wile away the time until home shows up in the front view mirror.

When the View Changes: Everyday Magic, Day 677

downsized_0212131645Pack animal on the move — that’s my today. Awake at the ghastly hour of 5:45 a.m. (apologies for morning birds — I admire you, but I will never be one of you), and off to the airport, I hauled myself and about 57 pounds of luggage (carry-on, backpack and purse, all stuffed with 10 days’ worth of everything) from Kansas to Vermont. Well, actually, Ken’s car, two planes, a little bus shuttle in between, and Daniel’s taxi did the majority of the hauling, but I did help with the pushing, pulling and carrying of my stuff.

Now, as if it’s an ordinary day, which it kind of is, I sit in Capitol Grinds, my coffee shop hangout in Montpelier, Vermont. Ahead is a yoga class, dinner with fellow faculty at Sarducci’s, where the volume is loud and the food is luscious, and then unpacking said stuff into drawers and the closet of my dorm room. Then sleep. Then more of my Vermont life.

And it is my Vermont life. On the way here, Ralph, who I’ve taught with for 17 years, talked about Goddard being one of his homes, and I feel the same way. Although my Vermont home isn’t nearly as luxurious as what starlets refer to when using the same phrase (no hot tubs or ski lifts), it is mine: a corner dorm room with a view of the woods, a trek to the cafeteria on campus, an occasional foray into nearby Montpelier to visit my favorite places, and mostly time with my Vermont friends, co-workers and students.

Strangely enough, despite the view out the window being different — probably because of the snow, mountains, evergreens and politics — the experience of being here always feels like an extension of my Kansas life. What I care about, what the people I hang with care about, what work and art we do, and even, to some extent, how we dress crosses over. The hardest part of adjusting to this other view of my life is the transition between worlds, not just all the vehicles, winged and wheeled, that transport, but the switch from one home to another, one part of life to the other part (although these parts vastly overlap). I dream I’m in Kansas, I dream I’m in Vermont, the people I know and love in both places show up in the merged dreamscape of my biplacial life.

So despite missing the Mardi Gras parade in Lawrence again, I’m focusing on the view here: light snow, overcast skies, and the warm lights of shops and cafes, reminding me how much two opposing places can be part of the same home.

Last Morning of the Year: Everyday Magic, Day 665

1231121026The snow falls steadily. The dog races out the backdoor, we realize a moment too late, to chase the coyote into the woods. The birds funnel out all directions from the feeder. The fire hums along in the pellet stove while Daniel sits at the counter, playing a computer game and his siblings sleep down the hall.

It’s the last morning of 2012, a year that doesn’t translate for me easily into a phrase or two. It was hotter than hell. The drought did and continues to do extensive damage. A dear friend, and subject of one of my books, died in January. The presidential race was a panoramic whirl of soundbites, attacks, humor, despair and many daily visits to fivethirtyeight. I traveled by foot, plane, cruise ship and car, sometimes on my own, sometimes with friends, and often with family to the northern shore of Minnesota to stare at Lake Superior, across the Gulf of Mexico to watch the ocean gleaming in late afternoon, through long trails in the fern-feathered woods of Vermont in between meeting students and faculty at Goddard College, and down roads revisited after 30 years to give readings. Books that came out this year reunited me with old friends, and brought me new ones — my youth group advisor I hadn’t seen since the late 70s, students past and present, the daughter of one of the people I wrote about, a spirited commander at Walter Reed, a friend from high school and college, an old roommate from my University of Missouri days, and a woman who mentored me in the early 80s in grassroots organizing. The road repeatedly led me home.

Our family and home got a little older, settling into what unfolded. Daniel moved to Knoxville for Americorps, Natalie crossed over into her senior year at McNally Smith where she studies singing while balancing many jobs and gigs with her band, and Forest and I began pumping iron at the local gym with our respective trainers while he settled into his final year of high school. Ken burned prairie, commuted another year to Topeka to work with people living with severe developmental disabilities, and wrote a lot of columns and updates about the seasons and cycles. A rambunctious and loving big brown dog came to our front door in February like he always lived here, and soon he did. The kitty slipped outside a few times only to roll around on the sidewalk until we gathered her back in. Our very old labmation persisted, and even yesterday, amazed us by 1231121027walking with Daniel and Shay all over the hill. We saw a lot of movies, ate the wonderful lentil soup at Aladdin’s often, and washed dishes, windows, laundry and floors, only to track in mud and heat up leftovers again. We filled the bird feeder in the morning only to find it empty by night fall. I painted the bathrooms and cleaned the basement. Our gardens withered.

Now one ending eases into another beginning. When I was younger, my wishlist was long and varied. Now it comes down to the simple wish for health and safety for all I know and love, all I don’t know and love also. Health and safety are really about life: being here, being able to take in the gifts given to our eyes at each moment, like right now as the snow clings, one flake to another, on the deck ledge up close and the cedars across the grass the dog passes on his way back to us.

Wishing everyone deepest blessings and brightest joys for 2013.

Planes, Trains, Ships & Automobiles: Everyday Magic, Day 657

DSCN0140In the last ten days, I’ve traveled by airplane, convertible, foot, SUV, cruise ship, minivan, tram, car, swimming, and even bed and hot tub (via cruise ship). Now, with two snoring dogs by my side, I’m rocking in an old chair staring at winter in its stillness.

I’m grateful for all the motion, and for no longer being on the move. After a 1202121400tangle of time consulting with on-line maps, in hand maps, GPS devices, itineraries, how many lights to pass before turning right, and whether the angle of the sun means we’re going north or east, it’s a joy to be beyond navigation for a while. Behind me is sunset on the sea, driving fast in a  convertible down hills bordered by forests of pine, wandering down streets to reach the sand and then the water, pumping iron with a view of the afternoon sun on the ocean, and cutting through suburban backyards to make a shortcut from the yoga studio to my sister’s house. Ahead of me are all the other travels — geographical, emotional, intellectual, often physical — of the rest of my life.DSCN0149

Yet right now, I’ve quietly encased in a sense of stillness. The bright blue sky frames the shining branches of Cottonwood Mel. The sun blurs yellow on the window to the west. My wanderlust and love of home, exhalation and inhalation, sway in perfect balance.

At Sea: Everyday Magic, Day 656

DSCN0027It’s curious that the term “at sea” means being lost, without firm ground to help us make sense of life, yet being at sea is also a way to be found. As I write this from the balcony on the 11th story of the Carnival ship, the sea lifts and falls at regular intervals to my left while my bed sits steady on my left. I’m at sea, and the view is all water, all around, all blue, all motion.

Cruise ships are a particularly bizarre way to be at sea because the agenda here seems more focused on being a luxury resort where all things happen in predictable ways. Huge buffets are set out at midnight (none of which I’ve made it to), waiters come and take drink orders for those of us soaking in the hot tubs in “Serenity Now!” (the adult-only deck in the back, where I have spent ample time), and announcements try to herd us toward sales on watches, liquor, and jewelry. While I appreciate the grace notes of having my bed turned down each night, and especially the wonderful animals the steward makes out of a few DSCN0114towels a few spots of blue tape, I’m mostly here to be with family and with the sea, both of which can rise up, rush by, make waves, calm down and shake the boat.

I’ve gotten to spin dreidels on my palm at dinner with my mother, pass appetizers we love or hate back and forth among my sisters, try to make my right hand do a cool slapping thing with my nephew, marvel at the sunset with my niece, and joke around with my brother-in-law about who picks up the tab for dinner (everything is included already in the cruise fee).

DSCN0041I’ve also gotten to spend a lot of time watching the ocean. For a Kansas girl (and former/always Jersey girl), this is both familiar and mysterious. The vastness of the sea is infinite to my eyes. There is light, sparkle, depth, movement, height, breadth and whitecaps of waves melting into blue all directions. The clouds come, the clouds go. The sun seems to move a little quicker than on land, and the sunsets are ecstatic, panoramic events. In a day, I’ll be in an airplane, nosing down toward Kansas where the temperature is well under half of where I am right now, sitting ocean-view and listening to the pulse of the sea.

Missing Lou & Maura: Everyday Magic, Day 656

1130121037It’s no wonder that driving across the Sunshine state with a stack of Needle in the Bone in the passenger seat makes me miss Lou and Maura. The book, which tells the entwined stories of Lou, a Holocaust survivor, and Jarek, a Polish resistance fighter, also weaves in the stories of their wives, Jane (Lou) and Maura (Jarek). When I started it was inconceivable to me that by the time the books came out, two of these four people would be dead.

Last night at the reading at Ellen (daughter of Jarek) and Marek’s home, people repeatedly asked me how I met Lou, Jane, Jarek and Maura, and I had to answer that I don’t know. We were just in the same community, led to each other by the humor and holidays we enjoyed together, the mutual friends or family in between and the great swirling of the big tossed salad that IMG_0005 5is Lawrence, Kansas. Like many people you can know for years with only hearing glimpses of their stories — Jarek’s uncle was president of the Polish underground, Maura was Irish and lost her mother at a young age, Lou survived many concentration camps, Jane practiced law and loves literature like nobody’s business — it wasn’t until I began interviewing everyone that the glimpses turned into coherent and multi-layered narratives.

Part of those layers were the memories we were making together simply through the interviewing process. I sat at Jarek’s dining room table while Maura, in her bathrobe because she wasn’t feeling well that day, put her hands on my shoulders and told me how thrilled she was that I was doing this book. Years later, Maura gone six months from a sudden death due to arrithythmia, we were in Jarek’s living room, in the middle of toasting Jarek with shots of vodka all around for his birthday. Lou, standing beside me, kissed the top of my head. Years before, I sat for hours with Lou in his sun room, visiting many Tuesday afternoons, laughing hard at Lou laughing hard as he told me some of the most outrageous turns of living through the Holocaust.IMG_0040I wish so much that I could place the beautiful copy of the book into Lou’s hands and laugh with him about how it’s finally done, it’s finally out, and here it is. I wish I could point to the photos of Maura getting married with her and tell her that she was utterly gorgeous, in spirit and appearance, her whole life. Yet I  am blessed beyond blessed to have been given all their stories to share, and not just because of how much hard stories put life into perspective. The time with these four people is now part of my own story.