A Long, Slow Spring With Lots of Quick, Fast Travel: Everyday Magic, Day 696

DSCN1022A week ago, I realized I was trying to pack for three trips happening within one week, having laid out two little suitcases and an oversized bag on my bed. As I pulled my dress shoes out of suitcase #2 because I would need them in suitcase #1, I noticed, once again, the weather of this long, slow spring. What’s blossomed has blossomed in slow motion, except for what was browned on the edges by the surprise frosts. What fell from the sky, despite our long drought, also fell often as I rushed from porch to car to load a suitcase of books, a bag of fruit, a change of clothes in rain, snow and sheet, sometimes all at once.

At the beginning of March, I trembled when I looked at my calendar. With the end of my poet laureate term ending, I basically stopped thinking criticallyDSCN1090, or maybe just stopped thinking. Add to that our daughter’s senior recital (in March) and graduation (in April), a bunch of big events in this area, and a weekend visit that entailed almost more travel than non-travel to see our son Daniel’s life in Knoxville, TN and hike in the Smoky Mountains some. Did I mention it’s poetry month and Holocaust commemoration time? My calendar was a vivid example of how what’s written neatly or scribbled in metallic pink doesn’t translate so neatly or shimmery into real life.

No surprise then that I coped my usual way: sleeping as much as possible, rocking a sinus infection that resisted treatment for stretch, working out somewhat regularly, and of course, turning to cheetos and dark chocolate when all else failed. Yet like most overcommitted times in my life, I also was moving too fast, worrying about having the right directions or if I should have packed a sweater, to notice very often the green world exploding in slow motion all directions. Simultaneously, it’s been a blast much of the time: posing with a posse of poets in front of the world’s biggest ball of twine, sharing tea with an old friend after a912889_4756139663066_431789520_n reading, discovering strange museums and stranger thrift stores, listening to poetry so good it could (and did) break my heart in a room where everyone was previously a stranger.

Today, finishing packing the last suitcase of this time (the one that holds our clothes for flying to St. Paul, MN tomorrow for Natalie’s graduation), I stopped. Looked outside. A squirrel was holding onto a small board with one hand while eating something with the other. I watched long enough to discern that board was part of a small birdhouse, fallen apart with the aid of said squirrel. The air brightened. Cottonwood Mel leaned one way, the leaves just starting to bud out.

For a long time, this spring has been moseying through its pre-vernal unfolding, almost on the edge of big change and yet suspended just before all the leaves that will change our views for months to come. My pre-vernal unfolding may have been more frenetic and certainly less grounded than the trees’, but I’m so grateful that somehow we arrive at the same place at the same time.

The Gift of a Navajo Blanket at the End of An Era: Everyday Magic, Day 695

P1000797At the end of Kaw Council’s Prairie Roots: Thinking Like a Prairie event, Nancy stood up, and said that as an elder, it’s her prerogative to honor people within the community. Then, to my surprise, she explained that this person was me, for my work organizing for the Kaw event, and everything else. Or something to that effect. I was so moved that I’m not sure what she said, only that it ended with her giving me a Navajo blanket, which weaves not just yarn into art, but prayers and chants into the warp and weft.

So much lately — from radio interviews to poet herding, plans from all directions coalescing to plans just glimmering on the coming horizon — signifies that it’s the end of an era. In my last month as Kansas poet laureate, plus many other projects fruiting and flowering, receiving such a gift dazzles me into a contented stillness, the kind that says, “It is done.” What comes next, if I’m lucky and ready to recognize it, is “Relax,” or even, to quote many Buddhist teachers, “Rest in the alaya,” which is the essential of everything.

So I’m resting under, upon and against this blanket. For the next four renga readings — in Downs, Beloit, Salina and Manhattan, Kansas — I plan to drape the blanket over the back of my car downsized_0416132307seat, and lean into this gift. On cold nights, such as right friggin’ now, I’m sleeping beneath it. I put it around me on cold mornings and lean against it in my work chair. The cat also has her time napping on it.

When I’m staring into space, at increasingly frequency, I turn my gaze toward the blanket. I look at the shape, the colors, the consistencies and inconsistencies. Ken and Forest look into the rug also, counting the tiers of the gray tree at each end to find the purposeful mistake which, according to tradition, is necessary. Pofessional weaver Ron Garnanez explains this in an article in the Native American Times, “It must be done because only the creator is perfect. We’re not perfect, so we don’t make a perfect rug.” Which makes this rug even more endearing to me although I don’t have to purposely make make mistakes in whatever creations come through me.

dsc08616“Are you sad your poet laureate term is ending?” well over a dozen people have asked me in the last two weeks. Not at all because it has been a beautiful, lively (too much so at times) and outlandishly satisfying time, so much so that I’m not burnt out either (although I am tired). Community in so many forms has wound itself around me, allowing us to co-create good work. Generosity has astonished me at many turns. Wrapping the rug around me, awake and sleep, over these coming weeks makes the ending even sweeter because I’m literally embraced by prayers and chants, poems composed of texture, color and time that are leading me to whatever is next. Thanks with all my heart, Nancy.

Of Mice & Dogs (and One Cat): Everyday Magic, Day 694

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Exhausted animals catching up on sleep

Lightning, thunder, and one freaked-out dog doesn’t bode well, especially when said dog can open doors from the inside. That means that locking Shay in the interior bathroom (no windows) with his bed and a chew toy is of no use although last night I did discover how he opens doors (not with his mouth as I expected, but with his paws, one on each side of the handle).

What this translated into was getting up from bed repeatedly, eventually putting a big chair against the bed to block this 90-pound scaredy-cat hound from climbing up and pacing back and forth across our heads. I also had to hold his collar as he stood on his bed (scooted close to our bed), until he finally calmed down enough to curl up and go to sleep, assured that my hand was less than a foot away.

So far, so good, I thought as I drifted off, but that was before the other dog freaked out because the chair, which she lies to hide behind when lightning strikes, was moved. Her way of soothing herself included pacing back and forth (clickity-click) and throwing down her heavy bone in the wooden floor repeatedly. It took a long time for her to find a new place to hide, behind Shay, and go to sleep.

I drifted off again, only to be awoken by Miyako the kitty who suddenly started doing the Daytona 500, including pit stops to leap on my chest. I worried Miyako would wake up the dogs, who sleep tenuously, like babies, in this kind of weather.

Finally, finally, finally, the kitty collapsed on my arm, and I went back to sleep. For who-knows-how-long because very soon Ken jumped up screaming. A mouse had scurried across his forehead, and just as he reached up to see what it was, the kitty pounced on the mouse and scratched Ken’s finger.

A mouse in bed means all lights on and all blankets and sheets shaken vigorously (not that we’ve had mice in bed, at least that I know of, before). By then we were so awake we started swapping stories of spotting mice lately, Ken in the glove compartment of his car, and me in a leftover cup of coffee in my car (the poor rodent drowned in caffeine, so he must have been awake enough to be keenly witness the end of his days).

This morning, all the animals sleep deeply (including, I’m sure, hidden mice), but I resist the urge to poke them with sticks. Besides, they need to rest up for tonight’s show.

Quick Change Artist in a Parking Lot: Everyday Magic, Day 693

Never mind me, I’m just changing my clothes again in a parking lot, going from heels, pantyhose and a silky dress to yoga pants, t-shirt and sneakers. It seems that my poet laureate years, compounded by various book tours, have turned me into a quick change expert of sorts.

Tops are harder than bottoms when it comes to changing in parking lots of libraries, small town grocery stories or mega stores. The main challenge is getting the arms out of one top, while keeping the chest covered, then putting the arms in the other top and pulling it all through. Bottoms are a cinch, especially if a dress is involved. Socks and shoes? Pretty easy. Pantyhose? Not so much, especially since it’s necessary not to get my legs tangled in the shifter sticking out from the steering wheel. So far, so good: no indecent exposure, although I am careful to change when no one is around (as much as I can help it). I suppose I could haul clothes into public bathroom stalls, but to be honest, it’s easier and somehow safer in the car (no fears about flushing a dress away).

When you become a writer, you imagine all the skills you’ll need: fast-typing, handwriting legible enough that you can read it, keeping track of what pages and files are where, and learning the ropes of sending your stuff out for publication (oh, the many envelopes and heavy books listing journals and publishers!). Sometimes, you pick up an unexpected skill. Although that is learning to play the harmonica or do the Charleston, at least I I can turn from public author or private schmo, all in the privacy of a mini van with over 240,000 miles and dozens of costume transformations to its credit. Viva la mini-van!

Unanswered Calls for Help and the Holocaust: Everyday Magic, Day 692.

Today I was honored to be the keynote speaker at the State of Kansas Holocaust Commemoration at the Kansas History Museum in Topeka, KS. Here is my talk. Thanks to the organizing committee for this very moving event that featured music from middle school students, readings, prayers and a beautiful candle-lighting ceremony.

An Unanswered Letter, An Unanswered Call for Help: What the Holocaust Shows Us About Caring Enough to Take Action

I’m deeply honored to speak to share some of the story of the late Lou Frydman, who is the subject along with Polish resistance fighter Jarek Piekalkiewicz in my book Needle in the Bone: How a Holocaust Survivor and Polish Resistance Fighter Beat the Odds and Found Each Other. What Lou and Jarek would say echoes all of what we’re contemplating today, especially what Rep. Paul Davis read from Elie Wiesel: “We must take sides,” and from caring enough, we must take action.

I want to share with you warning signs of the Holocaust, on the personal and global levels, that went unheeded, and what we can learn from these answered calls.

1. An Unanswered Letter

When Lou Frydman began sharing with me his oral history of the Holocaust, he started with me the most important letter he ever received: one his mother Rywa Frydman wrote 70 years ago and which Lou only received a copy of a decade ago. He was thrilled to see his mother’s handwriting as she wrote to a family friend, imploring her to help place Lou and and his brother Abe in Christian homes where they could be hidden for the war. The letter was probably written in March or April of 1943 when the Frydmans lived in the Warsaw Ghetto between years in hiding, and either death or concentration camps.

 

Rywa Frydman wrote with heart-breaking candor, “The world belongs to the brave, but I have lost my bravery, my nerve, with everything else. I have especially lost my trust in people….Thirty-two of us live in one room, sleeping on tables….it is not possible to go out to the street. We are with people who have, in most cases, lost most of their family members. They are demoralized, have no faith in anything, no longer even feel any pain. It is difficult to live in such surroundings.” She went on to ask,

 

Regarding our placement, the truth is that I would like all of us to live together. Why should my fate be better than anyone else’s? On the other hand, one would like to live. The world is so nice.

 

If you could place Lolek (Lou) by himself and me and Aba (her husband) together, I would never leave the house at all, but I would like to be assured that those around knew of my family situation. Please kindly take care of this matter as I think that this is likely to be my last request of you. I worry that we may not succeed as time is fast running out. Whatever you can do, dear lady, please do it now – let’s have a clear conscience that everything was done that could have been done. Beyond this, I feel at peace. I hold no ill feelings toward anyone……At this moment I have become very emotional and am crying like an old lady. I have received so much kindness from you and I believe I have not deserved it – this causes me much pain.

 

We don’t know if the dear friend actually received this letter, sent a reply that didn’t arrive in time, or, fearing for her own life (as Poles who helped Jews were regularly sent to concentration camps or shot) didn’t answer at all. But we do know that on April 28, 1943, the final residents of the Warsaw Ghetto were ferreted out of the 600 underground bunkers and other hiding places. They shipped to Treblinka to be gassed to death, or toward other camps to mostly die and, very rarely, survive. Lou’s father Chaim Mejer Frydman was shot that day along with the other men from the bunker where his family had hidden with other 400 other Jews. Rwya Frydman went to a concentration camp, where she was killed. Lou and Abe, only 13 and 14 years at the time, went onto six concentration camps, starting with one of the most brutal, and three death marches (two for Abe), until, two years later, they found their way toward freedom and a new life. They were the only ones not murdered during out of dozens of people in their large and loving family.

2. Warning Signs

When it comes to any genocide, and especially the Holocaust — which was the most mechanized, planned-out, coldly calculated genocide in our history — we need ask how this could have happened. In the case of the Holocaust, the warning signs were incremental, starting with Hitler stripping Jews of their rights, starting in 1933, in what seemed like a nonsensical pattern. Each small change conditioned the Jews to believe if they could just make it through the next incremental insult, they might survive. After 1933, when political demonstrations were first banned in Germany and the Nazis opened Dachau for their political opponents, each month brought new changes. n 1934, Germany began to sterilize people the Nazis considered “unfit.” That same year, Jews were forbidden to act in theaters or grow vegetables. Jews were soon forbidden to own property, swim or buy milk. After Kristallnacht, when mobs were encouraged by German police and to smash the windows of Jewish businesses and burn synagogues to the ground, the German government began sending Jews to concentration camps as well as expelling Jewish children from German school and “aryanizing” – turning over to non-Jews – all Jewish businesses. The same year, Jews in Dresden were forbidden, oddly enough, to own combs or to cut flowers.

 

The overall state of denial, even among the victims, speaks to how the Holocaust’s impossibility – or at least, its supposed impossibility – turned into the systematic annihilation. Put into action by extensive coordination between government agencies, this denial made killing easy, almost second nature, for those involved. Furthermore, because it tended to traumatize German soldiers to shot hundreds of Jews each day, the mechanized gas chambers took hold, often staffed by concentration camp prisoners who would lead new arrivals in, and afterwards, remove and sort any remaining valuables for the Nazis.

 

Yet there’s another element that Lou pointed out to me that was essential to the plan: the power of the group. Lou said that Hitler succeeded in making the German people feel like they belonged. That sense of belonging is key, connecting people to a common identity. From sharing such a strong sense of belonging and purpose, it’s easier for one people to dehumanize another people, to see them as less than livestock or manufactured products; as only a problem to be eliminated.

 

We just celebrated Passover, a holiday based on a story of oppression and liberation in which Pharoah hardened his heart against the plight of the Jews. A hardened heart is what fueled the machinery of mass murder and the heartbreak for generations for come. A hardened heart — playing out in indifference or hatred, turning away from those in pain or turning toward them with anger — allows us to distance from the reality of other people’s very real and beating hearts.

3. An Unanswered Call

“Let me tell you a story,” Lou says. “In 1975, Jane and I visited the death camps, including Treblinka, where most of the Jews from Warsaw were gassed. To get to Treblinka, at least to where the gas chambers were, you had to pass over an inland bridge. It wasn’t over water. If this bridge were destroyed, Treblinka would be useless until they could rebuild it. It would take them years. The Underground never touched the bridge, but neither did the damn Allies.”

 

This story is one of many. The Underground government of Poland, while very effective at damaging the German war effort, and even more so, the Allies, hardly ever liberated a camp, nor attacked a transport so that people could escape.

 

Lou continues, “With Dachau, the camp I was liberated from [at the end of the war], the American troops were sent in by accident…..We were written off. We were prematurely dead. Nobody expected us to survive.”

 

In the end, there were only verbal protests. The U.S. Government held that planes to bomb the camps couldn’t be spared, asserting that “such an effort, even if practicable, might provoke even more vindictive [acts] by the Germans,” in the words of John J. McCloy, the U.S. Assistant Secretary of War. Other fighters in this conflict, while sympathetic to the plight of the Jews in ghettos and camps, were focused on their own agendas.

 

Lou went on to tell me, “In fact, Hitler, in one of his speeches, in 1939 or 1940, commented on it. He said, ‘Look, nobody will cry for what we are doing to them.’” Lou showed me documentation of a British diplomat who said the Jews were the Nazi’s responsibility, and the Allies shouldn’t interfere.

 

What Lou says is confirmed by my research. “The terrible truth was that in ten crucial years, 1933-1943, there were over 400,000 unfilled places within U.S. immigration quotas for refugees from countries under Hitler’s rule. Each place unfilled was a sentence of death for a European Jew.” According to the United States Holocaust Museum and other statistics I’ve found, many countries turned away from taking on refugees who might have escaped the gas chambers had their visas been approved.

 

There is ample research to show just how much the Allied governments knew about the Holocaust, and just how little was done. There are millions of people — including very likely one third to one half of all Germans, according to research, who knew what was happening and didn’t intervene. While the whole tangle of unheeded calls is infinitely complex, the result is simply horrendous. We know that approximately 9 million people died in concentration camps, 6 million of whom were Jews, and even those who survived carried and carry within them galaxies of loss.

4. Heeding the Warning Signs: Answering the Call

“Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must – at that moment – become the center of the universe,” as Elie Wiesel said and Rep. Davis shared with us. Answering the call also means stepping into the center of the universe: into what makes us human, into our birthright to care for each other and live with dignity. “The world belongs to the brave,” Rwya Frydman wrote in her unanswered letter, and also, “One would like to live. The world is so nice.” The world is so nice, despite and because of that space that lies between devastation and the life force.

 

Educating ourselves, in greater depth over time, about what humans are capable of at their worst, and what signs to heed as well as wonders to protect, is part of what makes us our best.

 

“What do you want people to know about the Holocaust?” I ask Lou.

 

“Everything! As much as possible.”

 

Yet learning what we can, grasping what we’re capable of grasping, and considering deeply the best course of action for the good of all must come first from opening our hearts, however hardened they’ve become, to seeing others as precious and alive, and through this vision, as part of who we are. Only through cultivating such compassion can we find the necessary clarity to see what is and what is needed, and the essential courage to speak, act and live with integrity for ourselves and dignity for all.

 

As Christians, as Jews, as Moslems, as Hindus, as Buddhists and as members of other faith traditions, and as Republicians or Democrats or Independents, we must overcome what divides us to step into the center of the universe at such crucial times. To get there, and to stay there, especially when it means working with others who have different perspectives than us, we are called upon to unharden our hearts so we can care enough to speak to injustice, speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, and speak up for life. Let’s not leave such calls for help unanswered.

How Locking Your Keys in the Car Can Land You in Oz: Everyday Magic, Day 691

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Winnie-the-Pooh looks very concerned, and who wouldn’t with hundreds of giant Dorothys and Lions around?

Imagine being stuck somewhere along I-70 in the middle of Kansas late at night. There’s a truck stop, and it’s a good thing to put gas in the car although there’s enough to coast home on fumes. The drive – 200 miles west, and now 200 miles east with a poetry reading in between – went swimmingly well although the driver does wish she didn’t eat quite so many enchiladas in Hutchinson. While the car sucks the gas from pump, the driver thinks well of both going to the bathroom and buying more water to drink. What could possibly go wrong?downsized_0404132306a

Keys can tumble out from an unsuspecting purse, and the smug little car, neatly locked, could now hold in its lap said keys.

Thankfully, there’s AAA, a membership which I purchased this year on Kelley’s good advice. It would only take AAA about 30-40 downsized_0404132305aminutes to send help. In the meantime, I got to experience Kansas from the vantage point of gift shelves, and this is what I saw: Oz, Oz and more Oz. Big Oz. Little Oz. Witches in pink or black. Dorothy free and clear, or locked in a snow globe. Scarecrows comparing Dorothy to crazy women who screw up their lives. T-shirts from Toto about how he took all the money. Cowardly lions on shot glasses. Since Oz is kind of the opposite of Kansas, I begin to wonder why anyone in Kansas sells it at all.

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Help! Help! Let me out!

At the same time, all this stuff is fascinating, full of bling and shine, drama and surrealistic bizzaro scenarios. The beer mugs, welcome mats, postcards, sweatshirts and statue-ettes of all sizes overwhelmed me with a place not far from here, only accessible through particularly bad weather. The more I look at it, the more I wonder if I should bring some of it home with me.

Luckily, just at the point that I was actually starting to consider buying any of this stuff, a big wrecker pulled up, and I run outside to meedownsized_0404132312t Junior, a man far older than any wizard, but equipped with many manner of long metal poles of various sizes and with variously-shaped hooked ends. It wasn’t that I had the power within me all along to go home (I didn’t even have a hanger I could use), but I did have that Triple-A card, and I could hold one pole while Junior used another to tap against my dangling keys until he hit the unlock button, and I heard that lovely beep that said, Yes, you can go home again.

Remembering Walter Butts: Everyday Magic, Day 690

NH Poets Laureate from left Dave Parson (TX), JoAnn Balingit (DE), Bruce Dethlefsen (WI), Lisa Starr (RI), Walter Butts (NH) Dick Allen (CT), Julie Kane (LA), Caryn MIrriam-Goldberg (KS), Carolyn Kreiter-Foronda (VA)

NH Poets Laureate from left Dave Parson (TX), JoAnn Balingit (DE), Bruce Dethlefsen (WI), Lisa Starr (RI), Walter Butts (NH) Dick Allen (CT), Julie Kane (LA), Caryn MIrriam-Goldberg (KS), Carolyn Kreiter-Foronda (VA)

I met Walter in the dark outside Lawrence’s Eldridge Hotel one cold March night. He had just flown in for Poet Laureati, the national convergence of 20 state poets laureate I organized in 2011. Standing outside in spitting snow and ice, his trademark cigarette in one hand and a drink from the bar in the other, we joked about how he couldn’t outrun winter by coming to Kansas. His warmth made him feel like someone I had known for years.

Walter Butts, the poet laureate of New Hampshire, died on Easter Sunday at home after a harsh diagnosis in the last year or so of advanced lung cancer. He had a heart of gold, a gravelly voice, a tolerant temperament and a friendly soul. Coming from a working class background, he had a genius for making anyone — and their poetry — feel welcome, accepted, befriended.wblibrary

I saw him next over a 10-day residence at Goddard, when I guest-taught in the BA and BFA in Creative Writing programs one snowy stretch in April. At Goddard we can be an especially fussy bunch at complaining about each other, but when it came to Walter, everyone simply loved him, unabashedly. Students sparkled at the thought of their work with him. Faculty in our dorm, which was mostly women, called him all sorts of endearments in between sharing beer with him indoors or company outside while he smoked another cigarette. He made it his business to sit down with each of us at some point, and share his awe at something we wrote or taught or said or did.

When I saw Walter some months later at a New Hamsphire poets laureate conference he helped organized, we shared long meals over overflowing tables of poets. There was ample chocolate cake, whiskey, stories about the great and the dead, and outrageous silliness. Walter and his wife, the poet S. Stephanie, made us welcome as rai0406111452n in their home state.

Speaking of percipitation, I realize that all the times I saw Walter it was raining, snowing or sleeting, always on the prevernal edge between winter and spring. He’s crossed over to wherever he’s gone in this same edge, the many feet of snow behind us, the many blossoms ahead. It’s a time of a particular music that sings of absence as well as presence. I share this poem of Walter’s, one that Betsy Sholl (poet laureate of Maine) has been sending around, to remind us of what Walter saw and helped us to see.

THRUSH & SQUIRREL

Suddenly a squirrel scampers along the edge
of the tall wooden fence, a hermit thrush,
high pitched, in pursuit, and you laugh
because it seems like such play,
but at stake are the eggs in their cup
of moss, leaves, and rootlets, the four flutes
you might never hear silent now inside
the thin walls of their shells.  And you
understand why this must be your life,
the melodious song you wait for certain
to flicker, after all, through the absence
your body will one day become.
~ Walter Butts, poet laureate of New Hampshire, 2009-2014