I imagined my time settling Natalie into college to be one of profound insights and tenderness punctuated by leisurely stretches in coffee shops and great finds at vintage and consignment shops. Instead, it’s largely been a time of excessive driving punctuated by bouts of crazy traffic, getting lost, not finding what we’re looking for in the shops and having a heck of a time getting a parking space. Add to this a little sinus infection still hanging on and ordering the wrong thing at the restaurant occasionally, and all is not always fun in the magic kingdom.
This all brings to mind how change is rarely what we think it will be (thus the word “change”). I wake up too early, can’t get to sleep until too late, dream incoherent blurs and crave bananas. I also drive around at times just on the edge of tears because tomorrow I head south and my daughter stays north. It’s wonderful, it’s tender, it’s bittersweet, and at this moment, it’s my life, somewhat and actually largely outside of my control. I imagine myself steering the wheel of this change in a carnival kiddie car that’s propelled on its own while giving me the illusion of mapping my course.
Then again, this is exactly what I love about life: the possibilities ready to fall like the first autumn leaves right in my path.