101 Things To Ruin a Good Night’s Sleep: Everyday Magic, Day 89

Last night was the swiss cheese equivalent of sleep: a thin slice with lots of holes. Here’s some of those holes:

  • Shut off the lights, but the dog — still outside — starts racing around the house barking.
  • Go to front door and call for dog.
  • Go to back door and call for dog.
  • Go back to sleep only to woken by barking.
  • Go back to front door, where dog is waiting.
  • Go back to sleep, only to have pouncing cat making purr-meow sound land on my chest.
  • Wake with a startle and pet cat.
  • Go back to sleep, only to have dog clippity-clop across wooden floor in bedroom.
  • Go back to sleep, only to have hissing of other cat erupt.
  • Get up to go to bathroom, only to almost trip over dog.
  • Go back to sleep, only to have sudden short buzzes erupt from bathroom.
  • Try to ignore buzzing, only to have cat pounce and purr-meow, other cat hiss, dog bark and chase hissing cat down the hall.
  • Go back to sleep, but buzzes from bathroom start up again.
  • Investigate possessed electric toothbrush, and take it out from its stand so it will stop buzzing.
  • Go back to sleep only to be woken suddenly by vibrant and prolonged shaking-buzzing in bathroom.
  • Burst out laughing with Ken.
  • Investigate and discover toothbrush is going full-force without being connected to its power source. Wrap possessed toothbrush in dirty clothes in laundry room and bury in laundry basket, as per Ken’s instructions.
  • Go back to sleep, only to be woken dog racing up and down hall, trying to protect us from band of voles or raccoons outside.

And this was just the first hour. In a few weeks, when we go to New York City and sleep with the window cracked open so that all the streets sounds can slip in, I’ll sleep like a baby.

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